Getting Answers and Learning to Cope

As I sit here listening to the thunder roll over head I find myself in a much calmer place. Since my last post many things have happened, km’s walked, heart tests taken, tattoos inked, and more crazy virtual races added to the pile.

Let’s start with the best news I have, it comes with both a sigh of relief and a bit of frustration. I’m speaking of course about my pounding heart. No it’s not one of those “be still my beating heart” moments. Although I do love my husband dearly, this is not that type of pounding heart.

As I mentioned before around January my heart started pounding for no reason I could think of. It would be at any time for what I thought was for no reason. So after long waits due to covid I was able to get in to see a specialist.

This is what they found:

Nothing.

Yup, that is not a typo, it was nothing. After blood tests, EKGs, echocardiogram, and a stress test, the only thing they found was that my sugar, cholesterol, potassium, and several other things were phenomenal. Yup, apparently I have such healthy numbers that even my doctor was jealous. But those tests also showed that there is absolutely, beyond a doubt, nothing wrong with my heart.

Great news right? For months I feared a heart attack was around the corner. But my heart is strong and healthy.

That’s what brings me to the bad news. They still don’t know why it’s doing it. The cardiologist said that sometimes people’s hearts pound, most don’t even notice it. He also said it could be due to my weight. So not all my numbers are great, my weight is an issue. I know this, it isn’t a secret, and I am working on it.

I have a theory. One that I’ve tested multiple times now and think I’m right. It’s knocked me on my ass before, it’s the silent killer of many people, it messes with your body and your brain.

Stress.

Yup, plain and simple. Stress. Dang right?! Here’s how I’ve come to that conclusion. I’ve started meditating. Every night before I go to bed I take about ten minutes and do a guided meditation. When I’m done, I’m calm, my body is calm and relaxed and there is no pounding heart. For three straight weeks I meditated every night, no matter what and the next day, no pounding heart, not to mention the good night’s sleep I get.

The nights I don’t meditate, I have issues the next day. Case in point, before I move on. All day yesterday my heart felt like it was going to just jump straight out of my chest or up my throat. I didn’t meditate the night before, plus I had a very emotional day on Friday. Before I went to bed I did a ten minute meditation for relieving stress and by the time I was done, my heart was calm.

It’s a theory. (I’m hoping it’s the right one.)

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Let’s move onto an accomplishment I’ve had over the last few weeks. As you can see, I’ve added three medals to my bottom rack. All were 5km medals. Very proud.

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Then I turned around and joined another virtual race. I’m running the five great lakes. Over 1200km’s. Currently I’m running Lake Michigan; I have 541km’s to complete to get that medal.

Yeah, I know.

Then you tell the virtual race sites to stop emailing me all these amazing races! But I digress. One foot in front of the other will get the task complete!

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Now Friday and why it was so emotional. Since Ninja’s passing I have had a hard time. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to live through. I felt and still do a deep dark void in my heart where she once was. I miss her dearly every day, and every night I find myself reaching for her in bed so that we can sleep.

Friday I was finally able to get my memorial tattoo.  Jenny was my artist at Atomic Zombie and she was not just wonderful company she gave me the perfect tattoo. I cried before we started, and I bawled after she finished.

Although I still miss my Ninja Girl so terribly, I can finally feel that I am moving through it. I will never get over it, but I’m learning to carry it better.

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Follow your bliss.
Stay safe, Stay healthy, Love always.