Doesn't Matter if You're the One Saying the Words, it Still Hurts

I had to check when it was that I posted last. It’s supposed to be twice a month but it appears I haven’t posted since April. I’ve fallen a little behind on my tasks this month.

On my health and fitness front, well I don’t want to jinx it, but if you’ve been following my Instagram you would know that I’m documenting everything daily anyway. Today will be day 15/100 of the Morning Meltdown 100 on Beachbody on Demand. It’s still a bit of a struggle and fight to get to the workout, but it just speeds by while I’m doing it and I’m always happy when it’s done.

My knees are posing a bit of a problem when it comes to doing any floor work, but I did some research and have found an alternative. I’ve been trying to modify the modifiers in the program but it just wasn’t working. I’m hoping this solution, that I found on a yoga site will help. If I can’t find an alternative soon I’m going to be horribly uneven, where the front of my legs will be strong, but my back will be super weak.

It’s in those moments when I can’t do the exercise because my knees hurt too much that makes me want to quit. There are a lot of squats and variations of squats and of course lunges and that can be extremely difficult as well. I find myself in a great deal of discomfort when trying to keep the pace. So I do probably half the amount of reps because of it. This all makes me want to stop because the negative self-talk roles in and the feelings of uselessness and failure runs through my mind.

It’s said that it can take up to six weeks to develop healthy habits, it’s been two. It’s also said that for every bad thing said to you, it takes at least twenty good to erase the damage. That includes what we say to ourselves. It can be a hard habit to break, everyone does it. We achieve a goal but instead of celebrating it, we say things like, “It’s not that big of deal, I’m sure others have done better.” “I could have finished faster if I just tried harder.”

Why do we do this? My guess is because most of our lives, and I’m speaking from a woman’s viewpoint, we are told that if we boast about our success’s we are arrogant, if we fight for what we want, we’re bitches. So most women don’t celebrate the greatness that not only what they achieved but of the greatness of who they are. They let others tell us who we are supposed to be and how we are supposed to see ourselves.

Not pretty enough, not sexy enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, not fit enough, not talented enough. These are the words that run through my mind almost every day. These are the negative words that I struggle to replace with “I am pretty, sexy, smart, funny, and talented.” Yes, I know I left out skinny and fit. I am neither of those, but it’s not negative talk. It’s just a plain fact and its okay because I’m working on getting to a better me. And truly that’s all that matters.

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I’m going to end it here for today. There isn’t much to discuss on the writing front. The Meredith short story is running through its final edits and will be released to subscribers of my newsletter in November 2021. Darkness Looms will be going to beta’s in July, 2021 and will be going on pre-order around November, its release date set for March of 2022.

So that is it, that is all I have, all she wrote, I now have to go do day 15 of mm100!

Stay Safe, Stay Healthy, Love Always, and Follow your Bliss.