I have two choices today for this post, look at all of the accomplishments I’ve achieved this past year, or bum you all out with all the struggles of the past year.
I’m usually a glass is both half empty and half full kinda girl. I’m also someone who finds no logic in hiding how one is feeling, good or bad. So I think today I will talk about both, 2020 has been a mixed bag of both the good and bad, the excellent and horrific. So let’s crash forward, shall we?
I always want the bad news first. It makes the good news that much sweeter, so that is what we shall do. But do stick around, hang in there through the bad so that you may enjoy the good.
Okay, the ugly. I think the biggest is the obvious, the pandemic, no one thought it would ever be possible and certainly no one thought it would still be going on. The entire world thrown into chaos. It has sent all of us reeling and some are still unsure how or if they will recover.
The lock downs had a strange effect on me, you see working from home my routine wasn’t affected when things started locking down. I never went anywhere to begin with, but to be told that I couldn’t now if I wanted to. Well, suddenly I felt very confined and trapped. The thoughts that those I loved were in danger of getting sick, the singular thought that my Hubby would be exposed and I would lose him was more than I could wrap my brain around.
I was terrified every day. Then another fear of mine came to fruition. April 6, 2020 at 4:20pm my Ninja girl took her final breath in my arms. It was the worst moment in my life and although I knew I would feel her absence deeply, I never thought it would be like this. She was the catalyst that sent me spiralling out of control.
There were moments that I myself wanted to die, I couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t function. It was a loss so deep so profound I never thought possible. I lost all joy in everything I did.
It took several months and the encouragement and love from my friends and family to get me to pick myself up and move forward. I’ve done my very best to do this, but I miss her every day, her loss has not become easier, it’s just easier to carry. This is the first Christmas in 19 years that she won’t be with us, and my heart is breaking all over again.
I have a tendency to ramble when talking to friends. I figured why not share my ramblings here with you nice people!