End of June. Wow, six months come and gone already. Absolutely crazy. They all haven’t been gems though, I do admit. The first few months of this year were still rough. Residual effects from 2020.
Things are looking up though.
Let’s do a short recap of the last six months. I’ve been vaccinated twice, I completed my short story Meredith, I’m 14 days and 6 chapters from completing the first book in the Young Chronicles, Darkness Looms. I did a mini photo shoot with my niece for the covers of the Young Chronicles and Meredith, and I’ve approved two of the three covers for those books. I’ve started the workout program Morning Meltdown 100 and completed day 36 today, I’ve connected with long lost family, and made a few mentally healthy changes in my life.
It’s actually been a pretty amazing six months. Now that I’ve written it all out, I feel pretty accomplished. So let’s drill down a bit on some of them. As usual I’ll start on a personal level.
As many know I have been struggling with depression since April of last year. As it started to set in my desire for anything disappeared. I had made an accomplishment of getting into motion for 100 days straight and I met that goal. Felt great, mentally and physically and was seeing some changes in my body. Then my Ninja passed and my mental health took a nose dive. Coupled with the lockdown and the constant fear of getting covid, I did not adapt well.
Around March of this year I knew I needed to make some changes. The depression was getting worse by the day, breathing was becoming a chore and I just wanted to sleep. I kept trying to convince myself I was okay, I was not. When I finally acknowledged that I wasn’t, I was able to move forward. The depression and how I felt when I finally faced it scared me. Plain and simple, the way I was feeling and my thought process’s started to scare me. I knew if I stayed in this state of mind for much longer I would never get out of it.
It was a slow process; I tried different workouts knowing I always feel better and happier after tough workouts. But nothing was sticking. My sister was pushing me to get onto Beachbody on Demand. She insisted I needed to try the mm100. I looked at a few of the videos and cringed. My first thought, no way I can do that!
It took a few months of nagging, and now I’m 36 days in. I’ve taken a day off here and there, mostly for my knees to recover, several days because the second vaccination shot knocked me on my butt for two days. Every day I have to convince myself that it’s a good day for mm100. I struggle daily with the urge to quit and the need to keep going. So far my need wins over. I face it one day at a time. I don’t look to how many days I have left, I don’t think about the next day’s workout. I focus only on today.
Because I focus on today, it has also helped me work through my depression. I still have down days, especially when I don’t workout. But I am starting to have more up then down days and that in itself is an achievement to be celebrated.
Which brings me to work. Darkness Looms is a rewrite of the very first novel I had ever written and published. That book which was named something completely different was not my best work. It was okay at best. As the years passed I learned more about the craft, worked with editors, spoke with other authors, and continued to despise those first novels. I became embarrassed by them and the fact they were out there for the world to see. They were published in 2012 and since 2014 I’ve wanted to rewrite those books.
I was told by so many to leave them and forget about it. But I couldn’t, they haunted me, daily. As a deal with my sister, whom I was working with at the time for the business side of writing, made me a deal. If I write at least three books and get them published in a reasonable amount of time, then I can go back to those first books.
End of 2020 I completed that bargain and was able to rewrite the first novel.
Darkness Looms was completed at the peak of my depression, so when it went to the betas just before Christmas, it was returned to me with not so great feedback. But I didn’t have it in me to fix the issues. I cancelled my editor and cover artist and tucked the book away. Well, in May I pulled it back out. I’ve been rewriting the rewrite. There has only been some minor adjustments to this point, but now this week as I wrap up the rewrites I have found that the final five chapters need to be scraped and completely rewritten. This is both a daunting and exciting task. I have no fears or doubts this book will be done in time for the betas next month.
I approach my writing as I do with my workouts. One day at a time.
For those who are wondering, Meredith will be going “live” in November of this year. In November I will be having a book party and will be giving a few copies of this short story away. If you can’t make it to that book party, Meredith will be the new free story for new newsletter subscribers, and will also be made available to current subscribers.
In the coming months I will be revealing tidbits of Darkness Looms, it will be going into pre-order in October, and releasing March 2022. Very exciting!
BUT, for more recent events, July 24th I will be hosting a book party with four amazing authors in the genre of Fantasy Epic, Urban, Action and Adventure. Follow this link to join the Facebook group. There will be games, giveaways, and the chance to speak with the authors!
Okay, that’s it for me! Have an amazing week!
Stay Safe, Stay Healthy, Love Always and Follow your Bliss!
Well its done, I did it. I took the final plunge and I’m nearly ready to enjoy life again. Saturday I got my second shot and in two weeks I will be 95% immune. Maybe more since it was nearly two full months between shots. I’ve reacted well for the most part. My arm was sore, but all of Saturday I felt fine. Sunday and today I’m just dragging ass. I slept through most of Sunday and at this moment as I type I’m fighting to keep my eyes open.
Every muscle in my body feels like rubber. I would spend today in bed as well, but I have a lot of work to get done. I’ve fallen a little behind on my word count for #DarknessLooms book one in The Young Chronicles.
The good news is that Meredith is finished and has been through the editing stages twice now. It will be ready for release by November 2021.
On the health and fitness front, well this past week has been a struggle. I’ve been having headaches and overall not feeling well. Then of course the shot on Saturday and yesterday were both no goes. So it has been about three days since I have worked out. Today no matter how much I’m dragging I must get in my day 27 of the Morning Meltdown 100.
This has been the longest streak for me in months for workouts and Friday I was starting to feel my old habits creep in on me. The self-talk of giving up, that it’s getting too hard and I just don’t want to do it anymore. The little voice is fighting hard to keep me in place. It’s a constant struggle.
It’s fascinating how the brain really works. It doesn’t like to do hard things, doesn’t like to be challenged. I promise you that there isn’t one person on this blue marble floating in space that doesn’t have that little voice. Some are extremely good at quieting it and moving past the struggle to not be challenged and others not so much.
I believe when we are able to fight back that voice and achieve all those difficult and challenging tasks makes those victories so much sweeter. I stand taller, I feel better both mentally and physically, and I feel like I can take on the world. When we let that voice win, when we give in and not try is where our depression and anxiety come from.
I know when I was suffering from depression that voice was the only voice I could hear. It screamed in my ear about staying where I was, that nothing was worth working toward because I would never succeed. I wouldn’t gain followers, people don’t want to hear from me anyway, readers don’t want to read my work. I was worthless.
These words, this self-talk, that little voice pushed me deeper and deeper into a depression I thought I was going to be lost to. Forever. It scared me; I knew I needed to pull myself through what I was suffering. To this day I still struggle to stay out of that state. That voice is strong, it’s what makes me not want to work out, it makes me not want to write, not want to talk to friends. Right now it’s telling me to just forget about this post, because no one is reading it anyway.
It’s a tricky thing, it’s ugly, and it’s a part of all of us. It sneaks up behind us and hits us in the back of the head and we seldom see it coming. Other times it a slow motion punch in the face, you see it coming but just can’t get out of the way.
For me, right now in this minute the voice is so loud because I’m tired. But I’m tired because of the side effects of the second shot, nothing more. But it’s the perfect opportunity for the voice to sneak in.
So for me, I have to push past and ignore the voice today. I must take everything I have to get not just my work done, but my workout as well.
So to that I say:
Suck it little voice, I am fierce like a lion and I will take on the world! (Then take a nap like a baby kitten, cause dang...shot two is no joke!)
Stay Safe, Stay Healthy, Love Always, and Follow your Bliss!
I have a tendency to ramble when talking to friends. I figured why not share my ramblings here with you nice people!