Normally at the end of the month I would talk about all the things that I did or didn’t do during the month. Goals I met that sort of thing. I’m not going to do that today.
What I am going to say is that it has been a shit filled month so far and by far one of the most emotionally difficult of my life. I knew that I would miss my sweat Ninja girl, but I didn’t know that I would ache like this.
So I’m certain you can determine on your own what my month has looked like.
The rest of this post I’m going to try to look at the bigger and brighter. (Fake it till you make it, right?) I’m doing some housekeeping with my books, updating a few things in terms of search terms (Keywords), re-writing the book descriptions, you know the super tedious and boring things that go on behind the scenes for a writer.
One thing that will be happening this week is the roll out of the new series name for Blood Magic. Let me clarify, after some researching, that frankly should have been done before I released the books, was that the series name Blood Magic is WIDELY popular. With much debate and deliberation I made the executive decision (honestly I’m the only one making the decisions) I will be rebranding the series.
My thought process at this time is that at this moment there are only two books in the series. The third won’t be released until November. So it is the perfect time. The least amount of impact.
You may now be wondering two things, one how does this affect me if I’ve already bought the books in the series and two, what’s the new name?!
Let me rest your mind and tell you that this change in series name has no impact on the story. If you’ve already bought the books it means you will be among the lucky that have the original copies with the original series name. (They’ll be worth a fortune when I die!) Absolutely nothing about the story will change.
As for the second question. Well not all my banners are ready yet, so I don’t want to spoil the surprise. But once they are ready and I start to roll them out along with the new covers you will be the first to know!
That is the rest of my month. I’m doing my best to keep busy, but I’m not going to lie, my nights are hard.
Stay safe, stay healthy!
The day has come, the moment in time when my life has become that much smaller. A place in my heart has been hollowed out and has left me forever.
In 2000, two things happened, Hubby and I received our first posting and was sent across the country to a small town attached to a large base. I spent most days alone; Hubby was in the field and away more than he was home.
Our neighbours were less than friendly and the other military wives treated me like a leper because I had no children. I had no family, no friends, and I was utterly lonely.
Shortly before we arrived to this horrible little base town a stray cat was being knocked up and had a litter of kittens that were taken to the tiny SPCA in this town. January of 2001 Hubby and I got to meet one of those poor homeless kitties.
She was so tiny, she could fit in the palm of your hand, but she had a purr that could rival any motorbike engine. I walked around the pet store that was affiliated to the SPCA and kept some of the kitties. This tiny creature laid on her back in my arms and purred for the hour that the clerk allowed me to stay.
The clerk finally insisted I put the kitten back with the others when it was past closing time. Without pause I said I wanted to take her home. I was disappointed to find out I had to wait a mandatory 24 hours. Reluctantly I placed her in the cage with half a dozen other kittens that were at least twice her size.
Each and every one of those kittens hissed at her and she curled into a ball in the far corner of the cage. Alone. I thought of her all night, how lonely she must be feeling when the others wanted nothing to do with her. The next day I was there again at the store picking her up to bring her home.
I named her Ninja, after a motorcycle with one of the loudest engines, and she became my constant companion. She was funny, and loving, and so stinkin’ smart. She was so tiny and for many years never lost her kitten size and appearance. Many vets thought she was only a few years old when she was at least ten by then.
We would play fetch with her favorite silver ball that she had had since she was a kitten. But it was only a good game of fetch if I could get the angle right and lobe the ball down the stairs for her to chase. Otherwise, what was the point? Most times my aim was poor and I would end up fetching the ball and tossing it again for her.
For the first few years of her life we lived in a house where the cheap linoleum flooring would bubble up whenever the furnace would kick on, so she was forced to stamp her feet to get over the hump of the raised floor. That heavy footed walking was something she never got over. You could hear her stomp down every hallway she walked.
And in her first year when she cried nothing would come out. Not a peep. It was only after that first year that she discovered her voice and she used it to the best of her abilities.
Ninja would come when you called her, and when I talked to her she would squint her eyes at me and tip her nose up getting in close to my face. When I sang, she would promptly put her front paws on my mouth, or just run away. Everyone’s a critic.
And when she got older and started losing her hearing, she would sing so loud it would echo off the walls and drive me insane. But every night she would cuddle up next to me and I would hold her until morning.
The arthritis started in her shoulders making chasing balls and laser beams too painful. When it reached her spine and hips it took everything she had to move, and everything I had not to break down. She could no longer clean herself and would often end up peeing on herself in her litter box because her back legs were getting weaker by the day.
Ninja girl started going blind making it imperative we didn’t move the furniture around. When I held her she would put her nose on my cheek and rub her face across mine. She would lie on my chest and rest her face against mine.
Her last week her breathing became increasingly difficult and walking as visibly excruciating. My Ninja Girl no longer had quality of life and her suffering was apparent.
On Monday April 6th at 4pm we took her into the vet. I needed to be certain and asked the vest to examine her first. They listened to her heart and did x-rays. The x-rays were when we all knew we had hit the end of the road. Fluid had started to gather in her chest which was the reason for her labored breathing. Nothing could be done anymore.
At 4:44pm I held her tight in my arms until she took her final breath. I felt like it was my final breath.
We came home to an empty house, a place where everything seems wrong.
I miss the heaviness of her on my chest, the purr she put me to sleep with.
Mornings are difficult for Hubby, the two of them had their morning routines. Night’s are difficult for me, because she was always with me at night. From dinner to bed she was with me, on me, around me. She waited for me to come to bed and would curl up with me even before my head hit the pillow.
Our lives were forever changed when my beautiful sweet Ninja girl came into it and will never be the same again. I will feel her absence for the rest of my life.
I have a tendency to ramble when talking to friends. I figured why not share my ramblings here with you nice people!