BOBBI SCHEMERHORN
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When Did I Stop Caring?

2/17/2019

 
So I was talking to my friend, my sista from a different mista, the other night and got to talking about our health. We are both struggling with our weight and food addictions. And it got me thinking. Several years back I used to work with a trainer, I had a great deal of success lost about 30-40 pounds. I was feeling better looking better. Well my friend asked if I could help her. But the problem was at that time in her life she wasn’t ready to make the changes so there was a lot and I mean a lot of snapping when I asked if she had worked out that day.

To preserve our friendship I backed off. She wasn’t ready, you can’t force someone who isn’t ready. Fast forward a year or so and I started a new job. Hated it, and unfortunately around the same time I stopped working with my trainer. Slowly over time my workouts went from ten hours a week to zero. When I say slowly it was around a year. When my workouts stopped so did my healthy eating habits.

As you can guess I gained the weight back, I didn’t gain more than I lost but I gained that 30-40 pounds back. I didn’t follow any eating plans, no “lose twenty pounds in ten days”. No, my habits were slow to change. It consisted of getting rid of one bad item at a time. I found the more I worked out the less I wanted chips and chocolate.

Over the years I still did some exercising. I walked, sporadically. A couple times a week, enough to say that I was “active”. Fast forward to about two years ago. I injured my knee and even though I was still doing some exercise like 5k races I wasn’t eating well, and my weight never came off. But I was moving. My injury happened and I could no longer get around without pain.

So here we are yesterday I was talking to my friend and she is doing amazing. She’s losing weight, getting her eating under control and feeling better. (So stinking proud of her!) Last night our roles reversed. She was the one telling me that I needed to just start slow, remove one thing out of my diet at a time. Just walk to the end of the block and back. Just a little bit every day. She was telling me all the things I told her years ago.

The sad part of all this is that I know what I need to do to get healthy. I know the workouts, I know the food. I know what it takes to get to a smaller size, to feel better, to take pressure off my joints. But I can’t seem to get myself to do it.

Today I get out of the shower, my back hurts, my knees ache, and my clothes feel tighter. I can’t help but wonder at what point did I stop caring? At what point did I look at myself and say you’re not worth it? At what point did I let fear dictate my success?

Hubby and I are planning another big Disney trip. If you have ever been to Disney you will know it’s a lot of walking. A lot! During the time that I was working with a trainer we went to Disney and I feared I would put weight on. But I didn’t, I actually lost weight during that trip. I was eating everything! Ice-cream, cake, pasta, you name it, but it was all the walking.

I can barely make it to the end of my driveway without getting winded. I’ve got to change; I’ve got to find that joy I feel when I work out. Yes, joy, I love, LOVE working out. It puts me in a good mood, helps me concentrate. I love how it feels to push myself so hard that I have nothing left. Leaving the gym and knowing that I had nothing else to give, I left it all out on the floor.

The ideas for my first series came to me while I was working out. It gets my creative juices going. This probably would help with the writing issues I’m having right now.

So the question comes back to me, when did I stop caring? I have all these ideas of grandeur, I’m a great planner, but for some reason I’m not following through. Of course, I’m currently fighting a chest cold, but I very much want to get back to those ten hour workout weeks. I want to go back to Disney do some races and still be able to enjoy the parks afterward.

I want to set the goal of 100 day challenge, 100 days of intentional exercise. I want to want to work out!

I can sit here and make that grand announcement like I did last month with my writing, but I’m scared. I’m scared that if I make that announcement and I don’t follow through I will let people down. I’ll let myself down. So I’m going to be honest, I’m going to promise that I will try. I will start small, walk to the mailbox and back. Go to the gym and do laps in the pool to strengthen my knees. I promise I will try. Because I want to want it.

I bought a bracelet from Alex and Ani, it had a simple line on it. A line that has become a mantra to me about my writing, I want it to be about everything in my life. It’s simple, but powerful.

                                                         “I AM STRONGER THAN FEAR”

Productivity is my New Best Friend

1/19/2019

 
Happy New Year everyone and welcome to 2019! I hope you all had a safe and wonderful holiday season and a festive New Year’s celebration! It’s back to business for me but I will say that I had an amazing Christmas and an equally wonderful New Year’s Eve.

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Bless Us All

12/22/2018

 
Here we are a few days away from Christmas and I thought I would take a break from the wrapping of gifts and scrambling to get my Christmas crafts done and reflect back on the last twelve months.

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Looks Like Only Virtual Races for 2018

12/8/2018

 
Here we are the beginning of December and you are probably thinking once again- You missed last month! – You’re right I did. I have no excuses, I’m sure if I tried really hard I could come up with one or two, but I won’t sully our relationship with such tactics.

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Not Everybody is a Denis Leary Fan

10/20/2018

 
September was jammed packed with work related business that I completely neglected my duties to my monthly ramblings. I apologize and shall commence my ramblings now!

First I want to talk about my next project, Chronicles of Gronk, (This is a working title of sorts). I’ve been pining over this series for almost three years now. When the idea first came to me I was still in the midst of being blocked with how to fix Mechanical Dragons: Air, then I wanted to write Bounty after that. Why? Well I was a little fatigued with writing series and wanted to break that up a bit with a standalone novel.

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Please Excuse My Irrational Behaviour

8/27/2018

 
You know what never ceases to amaze me? The reaction I have to feedback from my beta readers. I’ve written eight books now; one is currently in the post beta stage. The feedback is trickling in and even though I know what they are telling me are fair points it still elicits the same response in me.
I know my beta readers, some better than others, but I know they all have my best interest at heart. I know their feedback is meant to help me and is never a personal attack. I know this, my brain knows this. But my dang heart takes it all so personally.

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